Who am I if not myself ?

💘😝 like he has my kidney with him 

• Part of my liver and heart . Sometimes the Craving get so much lots.. I want him so bad . I try and practice not saying his name maybe I’ll stop thinking about him. 

• WhAt am I going to do? I need nothing from him but him and i will stop thinking of him . I need to prioritize the thoughts because what I think about is a wast of my time to be day dreaming about him . 

   I wish I could be his friend at times and I would get to know him and maybe that would stop the mystery make him normal to me 

• But really tho real talk why would really tho I friend him I won’t be respected or valued reminding myself he is kinda of a asshole. I don’t  kno him . I make up in my head thinks 
• The man is is a perfect angel and gentleman. 

 Truth is he could use me  he knows he could but has not

That’s why I think so highly of him because he has not snatched up the opportunity to be a abusive friend to me 

   OMG that’s why I am thinking so highly OF HIM 

that is !  So bad how awful I have been treated by friends 

• that’s the i pattern  I need to break out.  friends abusing privileges of the point I burn the bridge down . 

 I have been let down so many times  so  many people  Getting close to anyone is not good  I get too close to the point I hate them .  So that’s another resin I keep my distance from Him I don’t want to hate him . I don’t want to hate anyone I don’t wAnt anyone to know me on personal level anymore people get comfortable to screw me over when they figure out my chill attitude

  I don’t to want get Close to anyone ever again and let them in on my life lessons? tell my secrets to and grant them wishes..

   I’m not anyone’s bitch I just need to be  strong Because it makes me happy when I can be helpful service or anything . It’s so easy to use me 

 I expect people to not be abusive by common decency sense of treating people of how you would like to be . But I need to be smarter with not being  afraid of crossing boundaries when I Need to 

• When I was little I thought I was put on earth to help my parents and people that’s what I thought The meaning of my life was as a baby 

 So why bless him or anyone with my friendship I’m good friend To have  

• why bless anyone that doesn’t respect me I need to stop questioning why ?and deal with process of reversing and returning the pleasure like LL COOL J it maybe more than just crush . Free myself mental shackles break the bracket off the door pull it off the hinge and tell him he is fake ! Face the truth he  used me too just like I used to love it too 

I should not feel bad Nappy is not cool anymore fuck him he obviously crossed boundaries lots of time. I kept letting him in my life again he actually hates me gave  I noticed how he only dates girls that are snitches and hate day and night 

He wAs trying yo steel my car when he  borrowed my car that was responsibility he took on also I took IN To consideration he may try to steal my cAr and he would expect me to not report it because he is my friends .  

Nappy should know better than to do that . But it was implied and expected on gp . Wow but I can’t accuse him of attempting it even so out . I know Jessic Admitted to me she robbed my house but I would never bring it up, and I did nothing  but what could I do ? still I talk to her today. Is there was a wAy I could Remend them they never get in trouble for all the fucked up shit they do and say about me 

In the past

 They kick it together no body fucks with Jessica’s cause she is rich and had no need to work but her mom is tight with her community and people respect her more.  Nappy would never try and pull that shit with her or any of his other friends . 

  It must be because I am not white ? I’m not  white girl with all Amercan household and that gives a ok to get screwed over by my friends  in the pAst. . 

No one ever gets rem-ended. 

Kali stole my car and I got the crazy title. Hot nothing from my insurance why I still don’t kno 

Matty and Dustin there shit they did to me and put me thro 

Even Jay  had back stabbed me  and has she not felt empathy to me . About me being alone Why because I’d it because Im not deserving of any understanding caring people  My life ?

. 

 I need encouragement to be happy I only give myself so much life encouragement I’m almost full but If I could rely on my friends to like me enough to show me love and compassion tell me how good with  other positive words that would fill me my self esteem tank inside me 

Friend should like me as there friend they should 

to put me up and above others because I am better thsn any other bitch there my friends 

 . It’s natural it’s how I’m feminine and prissy and how my friends hate me 

why would be anything but natural . I am me 

 every single person I call friends must think I suck realReally dick because I’m get no love or fake love the only think I can think of and why is 

they are so JELLIES EVERYBODY is looks at me like a exploding cake on your birthday 🎂 

   RESPECT ME IM NOT RUNNING AWAY I am not CALLING ANYONE OR POLICE TO SNITCH FUCK ALL THAT SHIT ! I’m not going on Filipino Cupid to talk shit 

 RESPECT ME TILL IM DEAD must I REMIND THEM . WHO I AM AGAIN the TUSHY GHOST then 👻. Kill a couple cats ,dogs, skunks, rats and possum  fuck a horsebackRIDE 

 HORSE he od on meth LOL 😂 IMA MAKE HIM GLUE WITh ELEMER FUDGE  then moonshine on rice and 🍚 go bowling for manor bowling when it opens it’s is not dead man but arms length distance you need to sit next to me 

Do not touch me not even with a 10 foot pole  talking  shit ! studio is not 💋me but the tub is free 🙏🚬🇩🇿you hear me scream 

Boost your own ego mine on blast